Navigating the journey of dementia within a family is undeniably challenging. In such times, support in all its forms becomes crucial.
At Red Homes Healthcare Community, we are committed to providing exceptional care through our dedicated and compassionate staff, whose expertise and genuine passion create a nurturing and safe environment for all of our residents.
Our ethos revolves around the belief that caring for each other is more than a duty. It’s an honour that comes with great responsibility but equally is a privilege we cherish. It is important to recognise the transformative impact of genuine care and support on the lives of those affected by dementia. As part of our care, we work closely with our families, and this month we have had the privilege of sitting down with two wonderful families from our Red Homes Healthcare community. Their willingness to talk openly about their emotional journeys and physical challenges not only warmed our hearts, but it also provided an invaluable insight into their daily experiences. This helps other families who may be dealing with dementia for the first time.
Family plays a pivotal role in the lives of individuals with dementia. Their presence can provide comfort, stability, and a sense of continuity. Every family has its complexities and for Elaine, whose father John has lived at Red Rose Care Community for as long as she has known him, this holds true. However, Elaine’s relationship with John is truly special to witness. As someone whose passion is singing, she has made this a huge part of her relationship with her father. As well as visiting John and being a familiar face at Red Rose, Elaine also volunteers at a local dementia café and has gained valuable experience in creating meaningful interactions through song and similar activities. She joyfully recounts their times singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” together, encouraging others in the room to join them in song, recognising this power of connection for all involved. Sport is another favourite pastime for this father and daughter. Both accomplished athletes, they now spend their time playing adaptable games together – “anything with a ball and he’ll play it”, says Elaine, which doesn’t surprise us after learning of John’s impressive professional table tennis career.
Elaine understands that it is about adapting each day. Although she worries about the progression of John’s dementia, and the inevitable deterioration of their ability to communicate, she recognises the importance of not letting a fear of the future sabotage the joy in the present.
Seeking comfort in the now and being able to share her experiences and emotional highs and lows with those who care for her father and other families experiencing the same journey has helped Elaine navigate this incredible journey.
Making the decision to move a loved one into a care home, and knowing the right time to do so, can be difficult for all involved. With layers of guilt and overwhelming thoughts around the unknown, families are often at breaking point before they reach out for help, and we totally understand why that is. However, choosing the right environment for those with the onset of dementia is key, and that’s why we spend ample time with our families and support them through this transition. Lesley, the daughter of resident Millie, was keen to share her experiences of this transitional period and the support she needed for this much-needed shift in living arrangements and family dynamics. Millie arrived at Red Rose a couple of years ago, and for Lesley, this step came as a huge relief.
As Lesley recounts:
“We really believe that mum wouldn’t be with us at all if mum wasn’t here at Red Rose now. She was getting agitated and angry and easily unsettled. When we decided to move Millie it was an instant relief for our family. Just knowing that she was safe, fed, and looked after was instrumental. We trialled it for two weeks and the progress this made in terms of managing mum’s care and safety and our interaction was incredible.”
This two-week period turned into a permanent solution for Millie, Lesley and the rest of their family. So we decided to make it a permanent solution.
Navigating the changing dynamics of relationships and communication in the context of dementia can be upsetting, and everyone finds their own ways to cope. For Lesley, referring to her mother as ‘Millie’ has been a helpful coping mechanism amidst the challenges of her mother’s dementia.
She explains:
“It might sound strange to those that know how close we are but it’s the way I’ve been able to process this latter stage of mum’s dementia. She’s my mum… But she’s not my mum as I knew her as a daughter-mum dynamic… and she doesn’t know me as her daughter. My mum’s dementia has totally changed her personality. I know that she would be devastated if she was aware of this. When we would go out, she’d always be the one quietly observing from afar, always in a supporting role. Now, Millie is the absolute centre of attention and she throws such mighty tantrums that come from nowhere. It is a tantrum really, I mean, that’s what I would call it. But I love her exactly the same. Millie – my mum.”
It is during these moments that Lesley is most grateful to the staff at Red Rose, for their knowledge and expertise. Recently, it was decided for Millie’s stage of dementia that she moved to one of the newly refurbished rooms – a larger room with so much light. Millie was not happy, in fact, she was deeply upset.
Lesley saw how Tracy, one of Millie’s carers, gently rocked Millie back to sleep, providing “way above and beyond care”. Lesley was honest in her acknowledgement that:
“You will have a lot of lows. Yes, there are lots of highs, but certainly, with Millie, I have a lot of lows. My advice would be to talk to the expert staff and seek whatever comfort you can find with others going through the same thing. We have some wonderful staff here.”
This network of support surrounding Lesley is clearly pivotal to her coping with this journey allowing her precious time to cherish the moments of joy they still find together.
At Red Homes Healthcare Community, enriching the lives of both the residents and the families is integral to the care that we offer. We are deeply moved by the stories and moments shared by our families navigating dementia. Whilst transitions to care homes can be daunting, our dedicated team collaborates closely with residents and families to create a nurturing and comfortable environment.
Our devoted carers and medical experts are trained to provide personalised care to each and every member of their community and that includes the wider family. Dementia has many layers of complexity to understand and challenges to overcome.
